You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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