i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
