hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
