I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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