can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
