it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
