oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
