my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
