your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
