the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
