it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
