I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
