god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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