i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
