So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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