your thong is hanging out like whoa
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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