found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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