Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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