sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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