Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
