You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
