What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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