i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
