I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
