Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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