You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
