walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
