My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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