maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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