I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
