Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
