The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
