Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
