i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
