I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
