you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
