it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
