you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
