spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
