You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
