Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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