but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
