if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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