I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
