if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
