I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
