I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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