My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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