i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
