Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
