Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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