Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
