I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
