It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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