I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
