and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
