He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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