Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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