well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
