and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
