Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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