I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
