I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
