You just made me feel so damn special
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
