I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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