I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
