hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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