listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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