When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
