If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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