i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
