My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Randomize
