I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize