Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
