seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You need a sexual gate keeper
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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