Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
