shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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