it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
