He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
