exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
