You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
birth control should be required to get into college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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